I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
