ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
