I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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