Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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