If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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