Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
