oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
