Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
