"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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