He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
