What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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