I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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