Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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