Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
