Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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