I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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