I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
