Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just found puke in my bra..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
