The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The power of my boobs compel you
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
