508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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