your room smells of hookers.
And success
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
