um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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