Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
