dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
