Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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