Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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