God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
