your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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