My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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