Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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