You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
