We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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