The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
