turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
