At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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