In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
