Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
