did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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