Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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