So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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