dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
worst night to have a conscience
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
