just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
