Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
