I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Help. Why am I so naked?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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