stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
