I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
