theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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