Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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