RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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