I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
