if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
