He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
this hospital has no fireball
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
