The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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