no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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