yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
