you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Someone shattered a urinal.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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