Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
