Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
